It’s difficult when you do for others, yet when you’re in need, there’s no one.
It’s been a long difficult week, I don’t like my boss, my psychiatrist says I should find a new job (yes, because employment in SA is so easy) and my mother is probably miffed at me because I don’t have the time to call her. (Not that she calls me)
As those or you know, or don’t, I suffer from dystymia. Mayo clinic has a good description. Basically it’s: “Persistent depressive disorder, also called dysthymia, is a continuous long-term (chronic) form of depression.”
After the week I’ve had, not seeing anybody, working then going home then back to work etc I’d like to see a friend or two. My sister is of the mindset that she contacts me when she needs me, but when I need someone or something it’s no go. Basically she’s stubborn and selfish. So of course the one day I finish work early and have the day off tomorrow, I’m alone.
I’ve decided to come to the pub, the emtpy pub. Read my book, browse the Internet and drink. Responsibly. And alone.
Because I’m only wanted when people have nothing else to do. Or at least that’s how it feels. I’m tired of always trying. Fitting into other people’s schedules. Then the one day I need some company, nobody is available.
And the good friend, ignoring me since he hooked up with the girl I introduced him to. A message randomly as an afterthought here and there, but otherwide nothing.
Why even bother with friends?