There are a few songs that resonate with me by Apocalyptica, but this one always gets me. The first time I heard it I was still with my ex, and as soon as I heard it and heard the words, it was as if a gigantic light bulb went off in my head.
It was as if this song had captured my relationship.
When I got back after a messy exit and near nervouse breakdown, this song helped a lot. It helped me to deal with the anger I felt. The murderous anger.
All three these songs describe my ex life very well. I think back and I can’t believe I was so blind and so stupid. Especially on the rough days when it still feels like I cannot get my life together.
And then onto the next life:
I’m pretty sure I’m a weak moron. I know better but noooo, I just keep allowing it. I can’t face the reality that this one has fucked out as well and that I should probably just call it a day.
I just keep thinking about how he loves me but it’s probably just not meant to be. And then of course there’s the part of me that keeps living in hope. That after 3.5yrs it will get better. He will get better.
And then there’s the truth: I loved and got destroyed. Never thought I could again. Now I’m loved and I do love.The fear of never being happy drives to me stay with: “I’m not unhappy either” and it’s better than possibly being alone and unloved till I die.